Important Foreword
The following is a translation of the second half (i.e.the practical part) of the classic book "Orech Apayim" by Rabbi Avraham Yellin, pub.1903. The book contains unique and intense strategies for changing middos (character traits), especially anger. I have tried as much as possible to translate the hebrew text literally and to add comments in (parentheses) or [brackets] rather than giving my own interpretive translation. The translator has studied in numerous torah institutions including the renowned Mir Yeshiva in Jerusalem.

• SECTION 3 - the way to break the trait of anger.
• SECTION 4 - the strategy of silence and a calm voice
• SECTION 5 - advice for he who cannot practice silence and a calm voice.
• SECTION 6 - one who has an angry nature.
• SECTION 7 - four general principles.
• SECTION 8 - other techniques to remove anger.
• SECTION 9 - other techniques for specific situations.
• SECTION 10 - the strategy of simcha (joy)
• ADDITIONS - first aid if one is are already angry and severity of anger

This document available here in Palm DOC format.

SECTION 3
Here will be explained the way to break the trait of anger.
in it are 24 divisions (seifim)
It is known from (holy) books that the doors of holiness are open to all men, even if one is born and habituated with all bad middos (traits), nevertheless it is in one's power to change his nature from the worst evil to the greatest good. Because H-shem (G-d), yisborach (may He be exalted) put this power in the hand of a man, that through the power of constant, habitual (repetition), he can change his nature until the opposite extreme from what he was born with. As they (the Sages) said "habit becomes second nature". And also, "one who comes to purify himself, is helped from above, great help", until even the worst of the worst with his bad midos, if he toils with all his strength to repair them, he could purify his midos to a high level.

However, there is a difference in each man on the matter of the difficulty of the work. Because in the days of youth, as long as he has not increased through the power of habit, to strengthen more the bad nature in him, then he can easily break the bad nature he was born with. Unlike afterwards, when he strengthened through the power of habit, his bad nature because then one needs much more power and constant effort, for a long time, to uproot the bad habits which have greatly taken root in him.

On this the verse says (Eicha 3): "It is good for a man to carry a yoke from his youth". And our holy teacher, Rebbi Elimelech, wrote in his book "tzetel katan" that the primary time which is ideal for tikun hamidos (repairing one's character traits) is on one's 18th year. And all the time one delays the work of tikun hamidos, so too the burden of the work will become increasingly heavy.

And behold, "all beginnings are difficult", when one starts to change his nature and habits, from what it was until now. And therefore, when one comes to change some mida, it is necessary in the beginning a constant, and very difficult work in all matters as will be explained, G-d willing later on - that there should not be any hesech daas (momentarily forgetting to put to heart) from this, and no rifyon kol shehu (no letting up whatsoever). And after some time of this work, when one feels that he started to repair a bit (the trait), then he can reduce a bit from himself the amount of work (effort) in this. And likewise, every time when he thinks in his personal accounting and he sees that he improved a bit, he could reduce his work in this, until H-shem yisborach, helps him to conquer it under his domain. And then one will not need any difficulty of work in this, it will be enough a very small work that one should remind himself and arouse oneself once or twice a day. Then one can take another mida to repair, and likewise one can go from mida to mida until H-shem yisborach helps him to repair all the midos.

However, a small periodic work is certainly necessary on this, to remember, and arouse oneself every day once or twice. Because without this, the end of the matter is that the old nature will regenerate and he will stumble in this greatly, unless he has merited to acquire a second, good, nature, i.e. that one has no more milchemes hayetzer (fight with one's evil inclination). However this is a gift from the Almighty, and very few men, even among great men, have merited this. And especially on the matter of anger, which is something which requires one to remember well always and to guard oneself from it, as the Rebbi from Lublin wrote in his holy resolutions (hanhagos) which he established for himself, which are written in his book "Zos haZikaron", and here is a quote: "I have also decided to guard constantly, and not forget, to not be irritated or angry on any matter. Because anger is something which comes from hesech daas" (momentarily forgetting to put to heart).

And what is the Avodah letaken hamidos (the procedure for fixing one's middos)? Behold, I will explain to you here one of the ways which I have received from books and scholars, which are known through experience to be the most effective. Behold, I will give you an example for the mida of anger which we are dealing with here.

So, the case is for one who is hot-tempered by nature and wants to repair this trait. Two forms of work are necessary for him. One is from time-to-time, once a day, and the other is constant, as I will explain.

THE TIME TO TIME WORK

The time-to-time work is that one would fix a time every day to toil in the following 4 things.

1. Yishuv haDaas (calmness of spirit for introspection), that one should have calmness of spirit every day in this matter and it includes 3 details.
   1. To examine one's actions and to understand all lackings in this area (of anger).
   2. To think and examine the causes of the lackings. (i.e. what happened to cause the failures).
   3. To think and devise strategies and reparations, how to remove from now on these causes, as will be explained shortly.
2. Study - To learn the good (proper) behavior which is needed in this matter. For example all of Section 4,5, and 6 in this book. Because all the behaviors written there are things which are very necessary to guard oneself from. And likewise to read one's resolutions and gedarim ("fences", i.e. strategies one devised to circumvent causes of anger) from the "Yishuv haDaas" work above. And the reading should be verbal with meaningful arousement. And one should explain to himself in his own language, because this will help him to arouse his spirit very much to remember and guard the resolutions always, as can be verified personally. And for every good resolution you read, explain in your own tongue some scenarios which could possibly happen regarding this resolution (and the correct response according to your resolution). And for every matter that you read, don't move on until you clarified whether you followed it properly. And you should take on several times that from now on you will be very careful in this. And one should also read every day, mussar books which arouse the heart, for example all of Section 1 of this book, which speaks of the lowness of anger and the greatness of savlanus (serenity).
3. Contemplation - That one should contemplate and think deeply in his thoughts until he recognizes with great clarity the greatness of the havlus (vainness, futility) of all of this world, and the swift changing of a man's life, honor, and possessions (i.e. how fleeting is this world), until it will be equal in one's eyes existence or loss of all matters of this world, until you don't care at all on them (i.e. until you don't care any more about losing honor or wealth, etc.). And likewise deepen in your thoughts very much to contemplate and to recognize the unity of G-d's existence and His hanhaga (His traits, and His ways) in every place and at all times. And that all that happens to a person whether good or bad, even through other people's free will, whether in ruchnius (spiritual matters) or gashmius (material matters) - it is all from G-d. And besides the time fixed for this, one should accustom oneself during the rest of the day, at all times that he is away from torah and avodah, to think and contemplate on these matters.

   And the way of contemplation will be explained later (in Section 7). And behold there is a difference in this matter; that in the beginning of the avodah (work) while the strength of the yetzer (evil inclination) is great, one needs to have most of his contemplation primarily on the havlus (fleetingness) of this world, because there is nothing greater to subjugate the yetzer and to fix one's midos, especially anger, like this contemplation when it is done properly, as we'll explain later (in section 7)(note that the Sefer HaYashar by Rabeinu Tam recommends that a person visit graveyards alone and also to visit dying patients at the time of their death, "to humble one's heart and to recognize that 'hakol hevel' " (everything in this world is fleeting).

   But after H-shem yisborach helps him to weaken the yetzer and to act properly most of the time, then one can decrease contemplation of the havlus of this world, which is not the main avodah, rather it is only a preparation for the avodah. Then he can switch to contemplating mostly on the unity and greatness of G-d, yisborach. This is a great and very, very important avodah, which leads one to reach fear and love of Him, yisbarach, and to clinging to Him, which are among the pillars of the service of G-d.

4. Tefila - to fix times every day for much tefila before H-ashem yisborach and to request and plead before Him in one's own language and with great crying and tears, that G-d should have mercy on him and help him to fix his midos and draw him closer to His service. And besides all the (fixed daily) tefilas, he should abundantly pray for this. And don't despair from this if you see after many days and years that you are not answered, because in the end it will certainly benefit very much, as we'll also explain further on (section 7).

THE CONSTANT WORK

The Constant work includes four things.

1. That one should write on a small piece of paper the main and general conducts which are necessary for him for the fixing of the mida he is working on now, with great conciseness. For example for the conducts in section 4 later on, to write on a piece of paper these words: "silence and calm voice". And if he wants to do in a fashion that people will not notice, he can write them in cryptic form such as the roshei teivos (first letters of each word only). And these words should be in front of him or in his hand always. And all the time he should look at it and read it with a new arousal, and take on himself to guard from this greatly (note: that this is the real purpose of mezuza, tzitzis, and tefilin regarding arousing oneself constantly in the service of G-d).
2. One should be careful in this that many times during the day, for example, immediately upon waking up in the morning, and every time one leaves his house to go to the synaguogue, or from there to his house, or especially when going to work, or to engage with people in some matter, he should verbally detail the potential hazards that could happen to him now in this matter. And he should then take on himself to guard from them. And he should desire in his heart and say verbally "I hope there will be a test in this matter". And he can even pray to G-d that He should prepare for him tests (that are clear to Him that he will stand up to them), in order to habituate oneself in savlanus (calmness) and atonement of sins (since one must receive pain corresponding to the joy in doing a sin to atone for it - Kol Sasson). And this is a great advice, because after one is wishing and seeking beforehand a test it will be easy for him afterwards to stand up to it. Just the opposite - he will feel joy in this that others pain him and insult him afterwards since he fulfilled his desire and wish (since pleasure comes from the fulfillment of a desire).

   And likewise, I have found in the commandments of a tzadik, who is a disciple of the Baal Shem Tov, z'l who wrote:

   "This is the general principle of (the verse) "seek humility" (Tzefania 2), that one should seek in all his ways to become belittled (nibze), that this should be your face's longing. And one should say to himself in his heart, 'I hope that others will shame me and insult me, in order that I will be little in my eyes and in the eyes of all, in order that it atones me for my sins! And when a person puts this to heart, he will not care when others dishonor him - just the opposite, he will be joyful in this because it is his will."

   And in the book, "Chayim V'Chesed" from Rabbi Chayke of Hamdura z'l,it is written: "Son of Adam, every day will come to you a new test, whether in shaming or insults, or in monetary loss, see to it that you are prepared beforehand, and then you will be able to receive it with joy."
3. One should also take on himself to accustom oneself to the following conduct: That if one sees his wife or another person start to insult him or belittle him or try to cause him pain with words, then immediately he should start to thank G-d with great joy in his own language, and when it is not possible out loud, he should do it quietly with his lips, to thank Him for sending these embarassments. And he should mention and thank H-shem on the great kindness and good which he does with him in making him hear these insults. And he should say something like:

   "May your beloved Name be praised, on all the kindness which You did to me, and which You do to me always, every day, and every second, and especially in this matter, that even a rasha (wicked person), garua (lacking), shafal (lowly), v'nimas (disgusting) person like me, who has so much sinned and rebelled against you, and I still have not repented as I should have on this, even so, You seek out a way and manner how to benefit me gently in this (bearing insults), which is really nothing at all. And through this you erase all of my many sins, more than all types of difficult afflictions, and to save me through this from all types of terrible and bitter judgments, in this world and the next, which are fitting to come on me due to my actions, and to instead become accepted and loved before You, and to accept my prayers (to receive insults) and to merit a great salvation for body and soul (through this easy atonement), etc.."

   And many other words like these according to what G-d will help Him to place on his tongue. He should speak and thank H-ashem every time someone insults him, and he should not stop this until the person has stopped insulting you. And corresponding to how much they increase to insult you, so too increase to thank H-ashem with great joy on this great kindness which He is doing to you. Because in truth it is so that it is an exceedingly great kindness, as we explained in great detail in Section 1. And with G-d's help, this advice will be beneficial for all those who hold onto it and fulfill it always. He will reach through this to the level of the verse "Those who are insulted but don't insult back.. who feel joy in suffering...they that love Him shall be as the sun when it goes forth in its might" (Shoftim 5:31)
4. Also one should habituate himself that many times a day, he should look behind at the time that passed already, if he behaved properly in this trait. And if he remembers that he lacked in something, he should write it immediately in a small daily notepad, which is designated for this purpose, in order to remember it in the fixed time for the yishuv daas work (of introspection mentioned above) where he can think of fixing his faults (as above). But he should not start to contemplate immediately every time he feels that he lacked, because if he does these contemplations every time he will become depressed and sad most of the time and he will be hampered from serving G-d with joy, and the pillar in the service of G-d is to serve Him always with tremendous joy.

   Therefore don't engage all day with any yishuvim (the time-to-time work above of devising strategies to prevent further mistakes) or iyunim (deep thinking) on these matters, rather only at the special times designated for this. However, every time one feels a lacking, he should confess concisely, like the confession of shema kolenu (in the shmonei esrei prayer) and say "Ana H-ashem, I have sinned...and specifically with this sin that I have done now. And please do for Your holy Name and atone for me on all my sins...And teach me how to repent with a full heart, amen ken yehi ratzon.." And he should trust in G-d that He accepted his prayer and then return immediately to be joyful. And in order to remove this lacking from his nature and habit, write it in the notepad to deal with it in the appointed time for yishuv daas.

Behold when engaging in this work of yishuv daas, certainly it will appear many times a new conduct or a new fence that will be necessary to practice for some time or always (to protect oneself from making the same mistakes). And he should be careful to write it down immediately, and he should arrange in front of him a paper of the practices which appeared to him necessary. And he should be used to reading them also, some every day, while others, once a week, or once a month, etc. According to the need on every matter to remember and to strengthen. And at all times he should have this designated paper with him. And if he sees some practice or fence which is no longer necessary, he should erase it in order to reduce the load of reading the paper.

Behold the reason for the lackings (failures) is one of the following two possibilities: 1) Or because of forgetting, 2) Or because of the overpowering of the will of the physical (emotions, ego) over the Sechel (mind, intellect). Behold if he analyzes and finds that the cause was forgetting, the fixing of this is obvious, that he should increase to think of this matter in his thoughts and speech always, until he is used to remembering it always. And if it is due to not being able to stand up to the yetzer (emotions, evil inclination), behold for the fixing of this there are several ways as I will explain.

1. The first way is through fences and boundaries, that he should do a fence or great distancing from the forbidden, until he is assured in his mind that he will not touch this forbidden thing. And the fence is according to the breach. Because if the breach is general, that he sees that he has a general mida which is entirely lacking from him and he did not fix it at all - so too he should make a general fence, and he should accustom to act according to the opposite extreme of his bad nature. For example, in the matter of anger which we are dealing with, if he sees that he gets angry every time from all those who speak or act against his will, he should take on that all his words to people should be pleasant and with a very calm tone of voice completely, as much as possible. And that he should not speak at all, whatsoever with those who do him bad. And if he habituated himself a bit to tolerate, and nevertheless it happened that he became angry with some person on some matter, he should make a fence and take on himself to no longer deal with this person or this matter. For example, if it occured to him anger with his wife on the matter of eating, he should take on himself to no longer speak with her on eating until some later date. In this way one can understand for many scenarios how to fence himself according to the time and matter.
2. (TAKING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY)
   The second way is to strengthen oneself with nedarim and shavuos (vows and oaths) on the fixing of the mida and its fences. Because the primary reason for the corruption in the matter of the middos is because the person made light of them, therefore they became like permitted (one who does something bad several times, loses conscience for it and his resistance becomes less and less. This is true for all bad things even murder). Therefore when one's evil inclination entices him he does not fight it with all his strength to guard himself. And all the more so, he doesn't guard himself from the fences which he made for himself on this, that certainly they are like permitted in his eyes. Therefore he is easily drawn to breach the fences and comes to do the bad thing itself. But if he makes a nedar or a shavua (oath) he is forced to fight with mesirus nefesh (i.e. a total effort, even if it means going through fire and water to fulfill your word) due to the severity of the neder or shavua. (the heavenly punishments for breaking a neder or an oath are extremely severe.)

   And we have seen this way many times in books of true servants of G-d. In Tehilim (119) king David wrote "I swore and I will fulfill it, to guard Your righteous laws." (among many others in tehilim). Likewise Boaz swore to Ruth "By G-d, sleep here until the morning", and the sages have explained that he swore to his inclination, to guard himself from sin. And in the talmud (Temura 3) "included in the mitzva 'ubShmo tishavea' (Devarim 6) is that it is a mitzva to swear to fulfill a mitzva." And in Pirkei Avos (ch.3) it says "nedarim is a fence to restraint (perishus)". And in the Sefer HaYashar of Rabeinu Tam and in the book Reishis Chachma they wrote explicitly regarding anger that the advise to save oneself from anger is to swear a "shavua chamura" (severe biblical oath). And in the book Reishis Chachma, he added "that one should not "matir shevuaso" (undo his shavua), as written '(tehilim 15) He swears and does not undo'". And the Reishis Chachma also adds that the oath have a condition that the oath should not include things that one is permitted to be angry for according to the torah.

   And likewise, we find written about the holy Rabbi Nachman of Breslev z'l that this was his derech (path) in tikun hamidos (fixing his midos) - by making many nedarim and shavuos. And even though the Sefer Charedim ch.420 (an old book written some 700 years ago) it is written that what the sages wrote about "making an oath to fulfill a mitzva is only for the early generations, who were moser nefesh (willing to go through fire and water) on keeping nedarim and shavuas but today one should not make a shavua.." And the Reishis Chachma also found support for this in the midrash - that an oath is permitted only for a perfect tzadik. Nevertheless, it appears to me that there is to say on this, like the holy Rabbi Tzvi from Zeditchuv z'l wrote in his holy book "turn from evil and do good", on the matter of the study of kabala, whereby many great Rabbis refrained from this study because it is a dangerous path and many stumbled in this. And he writes on this, "nevertheless, due to the great benefit and exaltedness of this great and holy study it is worth putting oneself in risk of danger because of it. Like we see on physical matters, that people wage war and put themselves in risk of danger due to hoping to reach some physical benefit.

   And likewise, there is to say this argument on the matter of nedarim and shavuos for the need of tikun hamidos, when it is impossible (to succeed) otherwise. (for example, if one is addicted to bad things on the internet and nothing he does helps to break him off, he can make a neder for a week. But only if he understands the gravity of breaking a neder and thereby will certainly not break it.) Because experience will testify that whoever is born with an has habituated himself with a bad midda, that it is of great necessity that in the beginning of his service, he should conduct himself in this manner - to fence himself with nedarim and shavuos. And it is already written on this (Tehilim 119) "Et l'aasos l'Hash-m, heferu toratecha" (a time to do for G-d, they annulled His torah). And according to the drasha of chazal in Gitin 60, "that for the need of the general avodah (service) there is to annul sometimes a particular matter of the holy torah". (obviously this requires guidance and permission from a very great torah sage). However, certainly one who is forced to use nedarim and shavuos in the service of G-d, that he should not use them matters of money or the like, and even for a mitzva, he should refrain with all his strength unless it is necessary. And after Hash-m helps him to strengthen in the tikun of the mida, and to strengthen the power of good, then he can refrain from nedarim and shavuos altogether, and he can work on doing teshuva for the past.

   Because one who is accustomed to making nedarim and shavuos, certainly will not be save himself from stumbling sometimes in them.

   Behold the nedarim and shavuos have differences. Some are biblical, while some are Rabbinical. Some are only for the life of the nefesh and body, for example, for the Olam Haba while others are for the life of the body only. And according to the need and the time, he should do. Sometimes with a mild and sometimes with a severe.

   And it appears to me good, to be careful on the matter of nedarim and shavuos, etc. is two things.

   1. That whatever matter that appears in his eyes difficult to do, he should take it on for only a short time. And the harder it appears, the more one should reduce the time. Because for a short time, one can tolerate even something hard but not for a long time. And according to this one will be able to uphold his vows, that he won't be lax in them, and will not need to undo them (lehatir). And when the time is over, he can take it on again, likewise for a short time. And this manner is also found in books.
   2. It is good that one should make a condition for all neders, shavuas, etc. that it should be valid only at times when one remembers that he took it on, but when he does not remember, or that it is in a manner that appears to be not in the manner he intended, that the neder or shavua does not apply at all.

   (important note: Since the heavenly punishments for breaking oaths and nedarim are EXTREMELY severe (such as death of children or spouse), It is highly recommended to not get involved with them unless one has guidance from an advanced torah scholar. However, anyone can still take on resolutions without making an oath or a nedar.)

3. The third way is fines - that one would take on that if he transgresses a practice or fence that he arranged for himself, he would fine himself with something that hurts him alot. For example, a fast or diminishing of eating a certain amount, or that he will discomfort himself in sleeping - to be awake all night or to not sleep on a bed, or to give money to tzedaka a certain amount immediately. Or that he will learn a certain amount of time books of mussar which speak on this matter. Or to read a number of chapters of tehilim, what is difficult for him and will be painful, and that he will not eat anything until he fulfills the fine.

Another good advice, which has stood the test of experience, to fix this trait of anger or to any other mida which is visible to others, that one should publicize always to his family and to everyone that he took on himself to conduct in these traits, and that he is guarding himself from them. And he should always try to speak of this when he speaks with people to let them know of this. One can also write it also in large letters in the beginning of his siddur (prayer book) or some other place which is visible to all, that he took on himself from now on to guard these practices. And other efforts like these he should make to make known and publicize to all. And through this he will be forced to fulfill them due to the seeing of others, that they should not catch him and mock him...And one should not be concerned with appearing haughty because it (this method) is beneficial to repairing one's middos. And one could guard from haughtiness in another place such as in non-visible service.(private mitzvos)...

Greater than this one can do the following, which will certainly benefit with G-d's help to fix all of the revealed midos. That is, to choose a good friend who also toils in the service of G-d, and he should be together with him always. And they should both tell each other the practices they took on. And that they should agree to watch over each other and rebuke them from breaching any of their practices. One can do this until he feels that he is already habituated in this and that he can strengthen himself on his own. And if one didn't find such a friend, he can ask a respectable family member, or colleague that they should keep an eye on them and rebuke them if he doesn't guard his practices or on whatever he did which is not in line with torah. And we have found this practice among several great scholars, such as the Maharshal z'l, Rebbi Heshel z'l, and the author of Avodas haGershoni z'l, who took on this practice, that they asked G-d fearing men to watch over them always and rebuke them on any matter that they see in them without any partiality. One can even appoint on this one's son or student, but in a way that he doesn't transgress the laws of honoring your parents as expounded in the Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240-242). And he should make known before him all the practices he took on himself, because through this certainly he will be careful to not get caught in this, which he will be considered like a fool...

It is true that there were many religious people who merited to repair their middos, and rise to great heights, even without these techniques, only through the study of torah and fixed prayers. And it is written so in the book "Keneses Yisrael" from the holy Rabbi Yisrael from Meruzin. However this is so only for those who have pure souls from birth due to the holiness of their fathers and the holiness of their souls. And they were not dirtied through the sins of youth. Or it was due to the help of some great tzadik who washed the stains of their sins, and shined in them through his great and holy level. But without this, it is a difficult and far away matter, as experience will testify that a person will be capable of fixing his middos without great study of mussar , contemplation, and introspection every day as we've explained above.

And the holy Rabbi Moshe Leib from Sasiv wrote this explicitly in his book Likutei HaRamal, here is a quote:"Contemplate in solitude at least 2 hours what is the good way that a person should choose. And this is the guide for the ways of service, and without this you will always be far from it." Similarly in the book, "Chukei Chaim" from Rabbi Hillel Lichtenstein of Kalimaya, who wrote many holy books, it is written "One who does not learn books of mussar cannot be a Jew. And the main thing for tikun hamidos (fixing the midos) is yishuv daas every day, because the yetzer (evil inclination) contemplates anew each day new ways how to trap a person in his net. Therefore it is necessary for a man to also to think always how to stand up to him, and to make many fences in each mida in order that the yetzer should not enter. And if the yetzer made any small breach and entered into him, he should hurry to find cunning strategies to get him out by force, and to mend the breach. Because if the yetzer takes hold with some consistency in him, it will not be easy to get him out afterwards, as our Sages have said, "sin brings sin" and "this is the way of the yetzer hara, today he tells you to do some small thing, and tomorrow some small thing, until eventually he tells you to do severe things".

SECTION 4
Here will be explained extensively the strategy of silence and a calm voice
Among the many strategies which are written in books to guard from anger. Behold we have found that silence and a calm voice nullifies anger. According to experience, this strategy is above all other strategies. And it is the primary strategy which will certainly benefit all who are careful to fulfill them in all their details to be saved from anger. Therefore I have come to clarify them well in all their details. Because they are all very necessary. And if he nullifies one of them, he will be immediately susceptible to stumbling in the sin of anger.

Let us give an example for something common. A person has a hot-tempered wife. He should be careful when his wife starts to complain about him or his family. He should be a wise man who anticipates the future, and be careful not to answer her on this even one word, even for a good word, for example to tell that his family is meritorious on this matter. Because not only will his words not succeed in quieting her complaints, but just the opposite, she will try to strengthen her words, as is known from the nature of argumentative women. And the result of this, is that one will come to great anger. And even if he needs to answer her in order that he or his family should not be degraded in front of those who hear her, nevertheless do not answer her anything. And likewise don't answer yourself to the other people in front of her.

Likewise for any matter which she fights him on he should be very careful to not engage at all. And as much as possible leave things according to her will, even if it appears that he will lose a bit from this. And if he sees that according to her will, he will possibly lose a lot in his service of G-d, and he is therefore forced to oppose her in this, he should use the techniques we will explain later in section 5 and section 6. But one should practice from the beginning of his wedding that he should be the ruler over his money, and possessions and not her, as the Sages have said "3 people scream (in prayer) and are not answered..." and one of them is he whose wife rules over him. So too for any matter that he wants to do that he anticipates she will fight him on it, he should try to hide it from her as much as possible. Likewise he should act like this for any person who fights with him, and one realizes that his answer will not be accepted because the person is not looking for the truth but rather just wants to scorn and defeat, or that he is a stubborn person by nature - don't answer him anything. Because many times this comes to irritation and anger.

And even if one's wife curses him, his family, or his children, nevertheless be extremely careful not to answer anything whatsoever from the above reason, because your words will not help and the end is that it will bring to anger. And if he is afraid of the damage of her curses to him or his family, an advice is for him to bless them and pray for them. And certainly his blessings will be more beneficial since "the good mida is greater".

One could ask the following: "the way of angry women is to curse his children in front of him. And behold it is explicit in Tana D'Bei Eliyahu that a husband who hears this and is silent, it is as if he was an adulterer all his day. Therefore how should he act in such a case?"
Behold in this there are several possibilities.

1. If his wife curses and insults his father or mother and he knows that his father or mother caused this, that they started to fight with her and cause her pain, and one's wife is justified. The Sefer Chasidim (564) wrote on this that one should not get angry (show anger) with his wife in order to please his father or mother. He also wrote there, that even without anger, one should not command her to quiet down, if it will cause an argument between them and she will intimately separate from him.
2. If one's father or mother are justified, and she curses them for nothing, there are several possibilities. If he thinks that by a show of anger (external show only), she will no longer do this, he is certainly obligated to rebuke her as in Tana D'Bei Eliyahu. But he should be careful to do as explained later (section 5), to be careful from any anger in your heart. Because anger in the heart is always forbidden even for a mitzva. Rather, he should appear to be angry but not actually angry. And if this is difficult for him, he should use the advice written there (section 5). And he should also be careful not to hit her for this, as the Rosh wrote: "Do not raise your hand on your fellow, even if he curses your father and mother in front of you".

   It appears to me a good advice for this: If he is sure he will not come to hirhurim (wasted seed) he should take on himself to (intimately) separate from her until she promises that she will no longer curse his father. And he should not tell her this except at a good time and with love. And then with good will, certainly this will help. It appears to me an allusion to this in the verse "and to your husband will be your desire, and he will rule over you" (Bereishis 3) That she will subjugate herself to his will due to her desire.

3. If he thinks that he will not be able to prevent her from stopping to curse and insult them. Certainly this is a bad woman which the Sages have said it is a mitzva to divorce (Eruvin 41). But if he cannot divorce her, for example, if he has children from her or due to great financial loss as brought down in the talmud (Eruvin 41), he should act as above, to not answer her anything. Because just the opposite, this is the honor of his father that he does not answer. Because if he fights with her or extracts revenge, she will increase to curse them, and also they will have pain in fighting with her, therefore tolerate and keep quiet. Rather he should pray and repent before H-shem and then "When G-d favors the way of a man, even his enemies will make peace with him" (Mishlei)

And one needs to be careful when his wife or someone else curses or insults him for nothing, and embarrasses him with nasty words, that he should not answer them anything - even in the way of apology or mussar from the above reasons. And it is good to answer them laughingly "my wife or my brother, from what I've read in books, it is a good and precious thing to hear curses. Therefore I ask you curse me more, don't be stingy in this, because I enjoy it and am very happy." He should answer this several times with laughter. And likewise everytime when his wife starts to fight with him, he should tell her immediately with a laughing face "I'll do whatever you want, just please curse me a bit". And these things will be beneficial that he will not become angry or irritated in his heart. Rather he will accept the insults with joy. And likewise he can answer with joy: "What do you think? That you will bring me to get angry? Not you and not 10 people like you! It is worth to bear and that I will not get angry." See also section 3 above, that when one's wife or somebody else starts to curse him or insult him, one should practice thanking G-d with great joy on that he prepared these insults and don't stop until they stop to degrade him. See there for more details.

If he is not sure that he is capable of standing up to the test and hear insults and not get angry, he should run away from hearing the curses and insults, and through this he will be saved from anger. This is written in the Sefer Zechira: "If the husband is angry, his wife should go outside, and after the anger has calmed down, she could rebuke her husband with nice words without anger. And then he will hear her."

The Sefer Chasidim also wrote: "And all the more so, if you hear one person talking about someone else, or a woman speaking to her friend, that you shouldn't answer anything. Because why should you get involved. Rather close your ears and don't hear them insulting each other. And strengthen yourself to muzzle your mouth to not insult your friend, even if he speaks on your father or mother something bad. Don't answer him anything improper rather just answer 'you are not speaking truth'. And don't answer anything else, not big or small." And in the practices of the Rosh, it is written "don't get involved in other peoples' arguments because in the end they will make peace and you will remain in anger".

And all this is only if the person being insulted is not a talmid chacham (torah scholar) or Rabbi of the city. But if he is a G-d fearing, talmid chacham and all the more so if he is the Rabbi of the city, it is forbidden to keep quiet when he hears other insulting him, even if it's not in front of him. And there is a punishment for one who hears and keeps quiet as we see in the talmud (Bava Metzia 84, Sanhedrin 44). And all the more so if it is in front of him that there is a very great obligation on all who hear to immediately fight and extract revenge. Otherwise he will be greatly punished for this. But be careful from anger in the heart as explained later (section 5). And if it is a situation of large scale machlokes (dispute), one must be careful not to get involved at all. And don't answer on any insults you hear even on Gedolim (great sages) as we found in the great Chassidish Rabbis who did not fight against the misnagdim (non-chassidish) who were insulting the Baal Shem Tov and his holy disciples.

One should also be careful that if someone did something against your will, whether it be in withdrawing good or in doing bad, and even if they did something bad to him on the matter of service of G-d, to not speak on this at all, whether immediately or afterwards. And even in the way of mussar or rebuke without any irritability, don't answer. And don't ask "why did you do this to me?" or the like, because there is no benefit from this. Since the matter has already occured, and these words will only bring one to anger and disputes. And if he wants to fix for the future, that the person will no longer do this, he should calmly think what to do afterwards on this and how to guard from it before it comes again. And if it is a matter which requires immediate fixing, don't speak immediately, rather wait until you are certain that you will not come to anger, and also think before speaking how to strengthen yourself on this, to be with absolute calmness. And he should speak with a very calm voice and with a pleasant tongue and in a warm way such that he will be careful of anger and irritability. And this will also have the advantage that his fellow will accept his words, unlike in the opposite way.

More than this, one should strengthen himself and be careful that if someone insults him or did him something bad, and he was not able to hold himself, and he started to answer him, that he should stop from speaking further. This is also written in the practices of the Rebbi of Lublin in the book "Zikaron Zos": "To not be disturbed on anything,.. and he who ate garlic, should not go back and eat more garlic. On this it is written '(the world stands on) he who shuts his mouth during an argument', if he already became angry, and this is more pleasing (to G-d), because it is much more difficult than keeping quiet from the beginning. And 'according to the difficulty is the reward', even though, of course, it is fitting and good that a person is careful beforehand that he is not in the category of 'I will sin and repent afterwards'."

If one's wife is hot-tempered and argumentative, and she conducts herself with others with curses, anger, and disputes, or the like. Don't try to rebuke her, because for her it will not help, and he is prone to come to anger through engaging her. But he can open a small opening in a loving way, that she should read mussar books on this matter, or to tell her stories on the matter of reward and punishment on these matter. Maybe it will help.

Behold it is common in every man's house, that a man wants to be served in many ways regarding the house needs, or the like. And if his family does not obey so much, he must police on many matters several times and to speak a lot and become irritated. And many times this comes to arguments and anger. Therefore, behold, the straight way in this for every man who wants to practice savlanus (calmness) that whatever is possible for him to do himself, that he should do it instead of commanding others. It appears to me a backup of this in the Sages' words "say little and do much" (Avos 1), which is to teach us this, that whenever there is a matter which requires speech or action, it is good to minimize speech and maximize action.

More than this, we have examined and found that this is the great and wondrous advice for saving oneself from anger - that one should habituate himself to speak all his words with a voice which is as totally calm as possible. And it is better than all the strategies for practicing savlanus (calmness). The reason for this is that other strategies do not constantly practice changing one's nature, except when someone is insulting him or doing something against his will. And it could be a long time before such a situation presents itself. Therefore it is difficult to change one's nature through them. Because, changing one's nature requires a constant and habitual practice on this. But this matter of speaking calmly, it is constant. Therefore it is easy to effect a change in nature. Therefore whoever has an angry nature and wants to break this trait, he should put all his strength in this, that all his words are totally calm. And with G-d's help, this will help him to habituate himself in the trait of savlanus. This is also a cause for purifying one's speech, because when one will be careful on all his words that they are calm, it will also cause him to be careful from forbidden words and devarim betalim (idle chatter). And the book "Or Tzadikim" writes: "He whose voice is calm and is frequently silent becomes a chariot for the Shechina (divine presence)"

Even though we wrote, that the primary advice for savlanus is silence. Nevertheless, sometimes, savlanus is to speak and not keep quiet. For example, if one's wife burdens him with words to ask the same thing many times, he should practice savlanus to answer her like her will and with a pleasant face. And likewise for any person who speaks a lot of meaningless words, he should tolerate and respond him like his will with a pleasant face. All the more so, for a student who asks his Rebbi on a matter in learning, that he is obligated, to be greatly calm until he understands what is difficult for him. And likewise one should be careful in business dealings, where there are bad customers who burden and annoy very much, that one should answer them with great savlanus and several times, without any anger or irritation. This is like the famous story of Hillel where two people gambled together... (one person betted another that he could not make him angry. The person accepted the bet, and tried to upset him with meaningless questions at a difficult time) And I heard from the holy Rebbi Yitzchak from Warka who proved from this talmud that even if a person has no time, and someone asks him which are not necessary now, nevertheless, it is within the trait of savlanus to do his will and respond immediately with a pleasant face, and to not push him away for another time. Because Hillel already knew from the first and second times that the things he was asking had no need for now, and that he does not have the time. Nevertheless, he dressed and went out to speak with him and he did not answer him "come back after shabbos". And remember well these words.

SECTION 5
Here will be explained advice for he who cannot practice silence and a calm voice, for example one who is forced to show anger for a positive purpose, how he can be saved from anger in the heart
Behold, even though we wrote in the previous section that silence and a calm voice are primary strategies to guard oneself from anger, however it is not always possible to do this. Because many times it is necessary to show anger for a mitzva, for example a man in his house, teacher on his students, or a Rav in his city, that it is necessary to show wrath to them to force them to do like the word of G-d. And we have already explained that even for a mitzva, it is only permitted to appear angry, but anger in the heart is always forbidden. And to show anger is to say harsh words in a loud voice. These things are opposite of silence and a calm voice, and cause the arousal of anger. If so, in what ways can one save oneself from anger in the heart? Therefore I wrote here some advice in this matter.

The primary advice for this, is that one takes on to be very careful that if he is sometimes forced to show anger, he should not be hasty in this. Rather wait some time, until he is certain that the heat has left his heart, as King Shlomo wrote "Do not be hasty in your spirit to be angry, because anger rests on the chest of fools" (Koheles 7). Because for fools, anger is ready on their chest always to show it immediately, unlike the wise man, that even if he needs to show anger, he is not hasty in this. Likewise, I have found written in the name of the holy Rebbi Yitzchak of Warka: "Even when a person needs to show anger, he should tell himself 'true that I need to show anger, but there are more hours to wait." Likewise, Rebbi Yuda Tzvi from Razdil would say: "when I want to show anger, I push it off for a later time. Even afterwards, I will not lose on this matter." It is also good, to do something else in the meantime to get your mind off this matter that he is angry on it. That through this he will not be angry in his heart.

I've heard in the name of wise men several things they did themselves or commanded to others to delay in anger and to pause to some other matter. I heard in the name of some Tzadik, that a man came to him who was very hot-tempered by nature, and he would constantly get angry on his family or the like, and he gave him the following advice. That he should take on himself to not do anything until he does this small thing, namely, that he should take some water in his mouth and hold it for 5 minutes or more. And afterwards to spit out the water, and to speak his words. And this certainly helped him and they asked him the reason for this and he answered that in delaying 5 minutes from speaking and this action of taking water will stop the anger.

I also heard on great tzadikim that if they needed to show anger for a mitzva, they would change beforehand their clothes to specially designated clothes for this purpose, thereby delaying while removing the old clothes and wearing the other clothes.

I also heard from a tzadik who had the custom that whenever he needed to show anger he would beforehand call in two people and tell them that this person did such and such a thing, therefore he wants to get angry on him. And afterwards he would show anger. Apparently it was for the above reason, that in delaying and pausing, the anger would weaken.

Even better, is for one to sleep on his anger one night, as the Sefer Chasidim wrote (Siman 755): There's a story of a son who honored his father exceptionally. His father said to him, "you have honored me during my life, honor me also in my death. I command you to sleep on your anger overnight and withstrain your spirit from speaking."

After his father's death, he left for a distant country (for business) and left his wife pregnant. He did not know she was pregnant. Things happened which forced him to stay there many years. When he eventually returned to his city, he came home suddenly at night and headed for the room where his wife slept. He heard the voice of a young man who was kissing her.

He withdrew his sword from its sheath and wanted to kill both of them - until he remembered the commandment of his father, and returned it to its sheath. He then heard that she said to the young man who was with her. "it's already been many years since your father left me. If he had known that I had given birth to him a son, he would have already returned to marry you to a woman.

When the father heard this, he said "thank G-d who withheld my anger, and blessed is my father who commanded me to withhold my anger for one night, that I did not kill you and my son." And he made a great thanksgiving party for all the area.

This is why Moses told Korach "in the morning G-d will reveal... (Bamidbar 16)". Because he saw Korach in anger, therefore he tried to delay him until the next day in order to calm his anger, and then he could make peace. The reason it didn't help is because Korach stayed awake all night as Rashi commented on the verse "and Korach assembled on them...", to mean, "all the night he went to the tribes to rally support." (from Orech Apayim 5:4)

It also appears to me that it is good to take on to do the following 3 things beforehand. 1) That he should learn mussar books. 2) That he should have a good clear head whether his intentions are pure, and that maybe he could accomplish without showing anger but with good words. 3) That he should pray to H-shem from the depths of his heart to save him from anger in the heart.

I heard from a holy person that if he needed to sometimes show anger he would say beforehand "leshem yichud..." Even though for tzadikim it is all service of G-d, whether prayer, learning, or showing anger, because their intent is to do the will of G-d. Therefore it is fitting to say "leshem yichud..." as before donning tefilin or tzitzis.
And like this, I heard on a holy man, that once a thief was caught and a ben torah said "It is a mitzva to hit him!" And the Rav answered him, yes it is a mitzva, but say beforehand "leshem yichud". Certainly he will not be brazen before G-d to speak lies and to do what he suspects in his heart to be in order to quiet his will. And therefore it will cause him to only do what is truly His will.

SECTION 6
Here will be explained that he who has an angry nature, is forbidden to show anger even for a mitzva even with all the ways in section 5, and how to act in this matter.
Know that all the advice we gave in the previous section that one can show anger externally but be free from anger in his heart. This is only for normal people, who are not so anger prone by nature. However he who is hot tempered by nature, he should not use this trait of showing anger, even with all the previous advice. Because he who is angry by nature, if he touches a bit to the fire of anger, even externally, immediately, the flame will rise and kindle a fire in his heart. And all the advice will not help to stop his anger that it should not burn in his heart, as known from experience. And like is written in the book "Orchos Tzadikim": "And this is clear that he who is very irritable (kapdan harbe), it is better for him to not get angry at all, and he should keep quiet and stop his spirit completely, rather than that he will show a small amount of anger. Because it is impossible for a hot tempered person to do, since if he draws some anger in his heart, in the end he will become greatly angry." Therefore he who is hot tempered should not use this mida ever. Rather, he should find advice how to act always nicely.

Even though, many times whether for spiritual or worldly matters it is not possible to act nicely, and it is necessary to show anger. Nevertheless, he who is afraid for his soul to not be caught in the trap of the sin of anger in the heart, should withold from this. Because for a mitzva, if it comes through anger, it is a "mitzva through sin". Because anger is a very, very severe sin which has no equal, as we explained above.

It is also known from books that the primary importance in one's service before G-d is that which a person goes against his nature in order to do the will of G-d. And the Mussar luminaries wrote that man was created in order to break his bad character traits, of his nature. For example he who is naturally hot-tempered, to break his anger. And likewise for the other middos (traits). And in the book "Avodas Yisrael" it is written:" 'Who is mighty? He who conquers his inclination' (Avos 4) this means his own inclination. Because every man has a special yetzer for one thing, and each person needs to make for himself fences and guards for things which he sees his yetzer is strong on him to make him stumble in this. Because for this he was created, to fix this thing. And this is what we found in the talmud that each of the Amoraim (Talmudic Sages) would be extra careful on one specific thing." And this is what the Sages have said "he who loves to unload and hates to load, it's a mitzva to help your enemy in order to bend the yetzer. Even though causing pain to animals is a biblical prohibition, even so in order to bend the yetzer it is better.

On this our sages have said in the sin of ribis (taking interest from a Jew) that he who has transgressed ribis should not take even from a non-Jew. Even though it is a biblical mitzva to take from a non-Jew ribis. Likewise it is written in the book, "Ben Porat Yosef" in the name of the Baal Shem Tov, that he who is inclined to speaking lies, should not lie even to make peace (which is permitted). Therefore according to this, he who is hot tempered by nature, should put all his efforts in fixing this mida, and should not replace this work for any other mitzva, because for this he was created. And likewise for monetary loss, he who is afraid to sin with anger in the heart, he should lose money and not show any anger.

However this is certainly not for a case of danger (pikuach nefesh) of him or others,or for some very great matter in the service of G-d, or the like. But even in these cases one should try with all his strength to follow the advice we wrote in section 5. Because how much does a Jewish man spend on matters of service of G-d, such as for sending children to talmud torah or refraining from work on Shabbos or Yom Tov. And if one says to a man to swear falsely, he will give up all his money and not transgress this. If so, why should he not do the same for anger, which is a very, very severe sin with no equal. Therefore every Jew whose main spending and toil is in matters of service of G-d should also have an obligation that in time of need to spend for this great service which is very, very exalted before G-d. And in truth, it is not necessary to spend alot of money on this always, rather only once in a while it is possible for him to lose a bit of money.
(It is written in the book "Or Yisrael" on Rabbi Yisrael Salanter zt'l that he accustomed himself that if someone did to him something bad, he would try immediately to find a way to benefit the person - to "pay him back good for bad". He would say that this is a biblical positive commandment of "emulating G-d's traits" (since G-d benefits and sustains even those who do evil and damage his world).)

Behold he who teaches children for money, certainly it is extremely difficult. And it is almost impossible that he will be able to not show irritation on them at all times. Even if he is very careful in this always. He will fail in guarding them and in teaching them and he will be the cause of the corruption of his students, and he will also sin in theft due to the wages he takes for them. And this is worse than other theft in business matters, because the fathers of the students, due to their love of their children, will be very disturbed and will never forgive the teacher. Unlike other matters of theft in business dealings which is the way of people to forgive. And likewise people will not give him students, therefore it is almost impossible that he will be able to stand up to this, and not show any anger on them ever. And it is written in Yoreh Deah that a teacher must show anger to his students. Therefore for a G-d fearing person, if he knows himself that he is hot tempered by nature, and that he will not be able to withhold himself from getting angry, through the advice we wrote in the previous section. He should try with all his strength to not be a teacher, as our sages have said "An irritable person should not be a teacher" (Avos 2). And he should trust in G-d that He will support him in another way.

And if it is impossible for him to find another job and he is forced to be a Rav or teacher, he should frequently pray that his words will be heard, and that the students will behave properly and succeed in their learning, and that he will not need to show anger. And he should try with all his strength to use the advice written in this book. And before all learning with the students, he should strengthen himself with great strengthening until he is confident in his soul that he will act with savlanus (calmness). And even in the middle of teaching, if he senses irritation, he should stop teaching and strengthen himself as above.

On the matter of a father and his children, there are many ways to act nicely, in order to not show anger. And it is good for every man to act this way. And it is even more necessary for he who is hot tempered by nature, who is not permitted to show anger. Therefore he should act in the following ways:
1) To draw him close and benefit him greatly, in giving him all his needs, very generously when his actions are good. And the opposite when he does bad things, to distance from him and from providing him his needs. Through this the son will try to act properly for the benefit of his body and the desire of his needs.
2) I heard from one holy person, that he who has two sons, and one does not act properly, he should greatly bring close and benefit the one who acts properly, and through this the other will be jealous and to act like him.
3) And many times, one should try to use this, to draw him to him with nice words, great love, and great drawing close. In this way, he will draw his heart to him, to do his will, as it is written by Aharon (Avos 1) "He loves people and draws them to the torah". And more so, one needs to act this way if his son is very bad, and mussar and rebuke does not help him. We see in books that this was the reason for the drawing close of Esav by Yitzchak. Likewise it is written in Midrash Pinchas, in the name of the Baal Shem Tov that a good person had a son who went off and became a heretic. The Baal Shem Tov commanded the father to love him exceedingly and through this he will come back.
4) And the primary advice is for every father and mother to be used to always pray from the depths of their heart on their offsprings that they should be kasherim (good) and wise. And if there is a very great need to show anger sometimes to children, and he is hot tempered by nature, he should try with all his strength to follow the advice in this book. And if he still stumbles with anger in the heart, he should confess and repent as mentioned above.

SECTION 7
Here will be explained four general methods which are very useful for conquering anger and repairing all the midos
Behold in the book, "Ezor HaTzvi" (by the same author) on the torah (parsha lech lecha), we have expanded to explain that the four general and primary methods which are effective in breaking the power of the yetzer (evil inclination) are the following:

1. To learn always books of mussar about the greatness and reward of one who fulfills and the lowliness and punishment for one who transgresses.
2. To contemplate and deepen in one's thoughts always on the unity of G-d, may He be exalted, and that all that exists and all their powers and movements, at all places and at all times, even from humans with free will, and even the temptations of the yetzer and the powers of the "other side", everything so to speak is only from H-shem.
3. To contemplate with depth of thought that all of this world is futility of futilities (hevel havalim), and everything which in the future should be in one's eyes, mamash (literally) as if it's in the past.
4. To be in the habit, always, of praying before H-shem yisborach, with crying and tears for this, that He will save you from the yetzer hara (evil inclination) and that He will draw you close to His service.

That which we wrote on the first method, to learn always mussar books on the reward and punishment, it is explicitly written in the book "Reishis Chachma" (Shaar Anava ch.3) on the matter of anger the following: "It is good for a man to make for himself a concise reminder of the punishments of anger and arrogance and the greatness of humility, that he should read it every day. And this is very fitting, because who is the fool who would want to lose a great loss for a small gain? Rather, at the time of anger, one forgets all the punishments and all the greatness that he loses. And when he gets used to reading this, "learning brings to action", and he will be zealous and careful"

Behold I have already compiled with great completeness in front of whoever wants to fulfill the words of the Reishis Chachma and it is Section 1 of this book (see the hebrew), which I have searched out and examined greatly to clarify the lowliness and punishment of anger, and the greatness and reward of humility. And I've shown to know that literally, all the torah, and all the life of the soul and body depend on this. Whoever sees it will wonder greatly and become aroused. Whoever fulfills the words of the Reishis Chachma and reads every day from this section will certainly have, with G-d's help, great benefit in guarding from anger.

And likewise for the second advice that we wrote, which is to remember that all that is done, in all places, and at all times, even through human beings with free will, is all from H-shem. Behold, certainly this advice will be of very great benefit to guard from anger and irritation in the heart on any man who causes you pain, whether physical, monetary, or psychological (belittles you), after that one knows and remembers that this pain or insult is actually from H-ashem. And this man is only His messenger. And if it were not this person, it would have been someone else, because "there are many messengers to G-d". And if so, it is not on this person that you should get upset, because, behold, it is not from this man that this pain or insult came from (rather it is from G-d).

And here is a quote from the book Tanya:

"That which the Sages have said 'whoever gets angry it is as if he has worshipped idols', the reason is as follows. At the time of his anger, the emuna (faith) has left him, because if he believed what happened to him was from H-shem, he would not have been angry at all. And even if a man, who has free will, curses him, hits him, or damages his property, and becomes lawfully obligated to him whether in worldly or heavenly courts, due to his bad choices, nevertheless on the person damaged, it has already been decreed above, and "there are many messengers to G-d".

And not only that, but even at that time when he is hitting or cursing him, the power of G-d wears him and the breath of His mouth gives him life and sustains his existence, as it is written by Shimi, when he cursed David, (David answered his men:) 'H-ashem told him to curse'. And when did G-d tell Shimi? Rather, the thought that fell into Shimi's heart and mind fell from H-ashem and the breath of His mouth which sustains existence of everything, sustained the spirit of Shimi at the time he spoke these words to David. Because if the His breath were removed from the spirit of Shimi he would not be able to speak anything. This is the meaning of 'H-ashem told him', at that time literally, to curse David. And who is brazen enough to tell Him what to do..?"

And in the book Reishis Chachma (siman 1 Os 23) it is written "If people insult you or do you bad, remember that this comes from the kitrug (accusations) that the S''M (side of evil) accuses on him above on his sins, and he should worry about them".

And in the Sefer Chasidim (183) it is written, "One person would cause pain to the wise man. They said to the wise man: 'how great is the sin of this person who causes you pain for nothing!' The wise man answered them, 'I don't condemn him, rather my sins caused this.' They said, 'It's a mitzva for you to punish him and curse him' He answered them, 'If so, I should punish and curse myself, because my sins caused me this pain'. Didn't Yehuda say 'G-d found the sin of your servant' (end of vayeshev), which he meant 'I am certain that one of your servants placed the goblet in his bag, but our sins caused us to get this trouble.' And likewise when Shimi cursed David, David said: 'Let him curse, because G-d told him to curse, and my sins caused it. If I had not sinned, Amnon would not have raped Tamar, and Avshalom would not have rebelled against me, therefore why should a living man complain (i.e. I should at least be thankful to G-d for being alive)'

And here is a quote from Chovos HaLevavos (Shaar Bitachon ch.4): "On the matter of enemies and those who seek your harm - trust in their matters on the Creator, may He be exalted, and tolerate their insults, and do not give them back like their acts. Rather do them good, and do whatever you can to benefit them. And remember in your heart that your benefit or loss is in the hands of the Creator. And if they are the agent to damage you, think good on them, and suspect yourself that it is your bad actions that are coming before G-d, and you should plea before G-d and pray that He will atone you for your sins. And then your enemies will turn to friends, as the wise man said 'When G-d favors the actions of man, even his enemies will make peace with him' (Mishlei 16)"

And in the book Chesed L'Avraham by Rav Avraham Azoulai z'l, it is written, "All the midas of G-d are 'mida kneged mida' (measure for measure), in the way that one conducts himself with G-d, one's wife will conduct herself with him. This is what our sages have said 'If he merits, she helps him. If he doesn't merit, she is against him' - she rebels against him like he rebels against his Maker. And this secret is only by Tzadikim (that one's wife deserves to help him). Therefore, for every ben torah whose wife doesn't listen to him, he should not complain against her, because he himself caused it. However for the wicked, it is natural that their wives listen to them, because they are afraid of them"

And in the book, "Meor Einayim" from Rebbi Nachum of Tchernobyl it is written, "From any bad thing that one bears from others, he can see the same matter in his service of G-d. It is for this that it happens to him - that he should see for himself this mida or matter, because he does the same to the Creator, yisbarach, on the matter relating to his service. And all that one sees in the matter of the conduct of his family or helpers, in his matters, he should know that they are showing him that this is how he is conducting himself in his service of G-d.. And when one looks at any matter that brings him to anger, certainly he will not get angry. Because if he gets angry on this, then they will measure for him the same thing. Because he is also sinning in the very same matter, before the King of kings, HaK-dosh Baruch Hu, etc. And he strengthens on himself judgments from above through his anger. Therefore it is good to be a "soft answerer who turns back wrath", which are the "dinim" measure for measure, because through this, he will be aroused to repent to the Creator in feeling the above."

More on this. There is to remember G-d's emuna, a good advice to not come to anger. If a man is seeking to harm you, one should pray and repent before G-d and trust that He will guard you from all damage and pain, and that this person will certainly not be able to cause you harm at all. And more than this, even if it seems that the person is doing you evil, believe and trust in G-d, that certainly the purpose of this matter is only for your good. Similar to the matter of the selling of Yosef, which appeared at the time to be a great evil, but in truth it became a great good for him, even in this world, and through this he arose and became a king.

And it appears to me this is how to explain the saying of King David, "G-d is my light and salvation, who will I fear? G-d is the strength of my life from who will I dread? If an army arranges before me, my heart will not be afraid. If war is waged on me in this I will trust" (Tehilim 27), "in this" means in this itself, in the war itself that they wage against me, I trust that it is certainly for my benefit and that they are chasing after me only for my good. Similar to the sale of Yosef above. And this is a great advice to guard from anger when one is chasing after him that he should verbally say the verse: "If an army arranges before me, my heart will not be afraid. If war is waged on me in this I will trust" with the above intent, that this itself, the chasing, they are for my good and my salvation even in this world. And he should say several times with joy: "This person is chasing me. Certainly he is chasing me only for my benefit". And I have already seen wonders in this. Many times I did this, and immediately I saw that it was true, that the chasings were for my benefit became immediately evident. And the matter is as mentioned above. That according to the emuna is the hashgacha (according to one's level of faith will be the divine providence). And likewise it is written in the practices of the Rebbi of Lublin, in the book "Divrei Emes": "To not get angry. And to be also careful not to become irritated because everything is for the good."

More on this, is that the remembering of His unity (i.e. that He is in control of everything), will effect that one will not get angry. Because due to remembering this matter of the emuna (faith) in His unity, it will draw to him fear and shame of H-shem yisborach, the King of kings, the holy One blessed be He, "whose glory fills the world", and watches over it (mashgiach alav). And through this he will not get angry or care because one who is before the King and is afraid of Him will not get angry in front of Him, rather he will be embarassed and afraid of Him. And he will leave over all matters to the King who has the power to fix everything.

The third advice we wrote is to contemplate that all of this world is futility - like nothing at all. This is explicitly explained in many books. And it is clear from the senses and from experience that it is a very, very wondrous advice on this matter, to guard oneself from all anger and irritation at all times. Because after one has understood and recognized well in his thoughts that all the matters of this world are futility of futilities (hevel hevelim) and are worth as nothing, if so for what should he care? Therefore one should fix for this great times every day to deepen in contemplation and to arouse one's soul from its slumber, that it should not be attached in the futilities of this world, with many things that will implant in his soul with a great and mighty voice to declare futile all matters of this world with great extreme. This is also found in the book, "Shevet Mussar" (ch.7-8) and in the end of the book, "Batim Laberichim" who wrote intense words which terrify greatly, that a person should speak to himself on this matter until it will be disgusting in his eyes all matters of this world (which are not mitzva), and especially arrogance and honor. He should only desire to be of those that are insulted and embarassed (since this atones for sin). One should also be used to read books which call vanity this world, such as Koheles and many mussar books which speak on this. And also, always when one sees the changes and the sudden deaths, and losses of people, he should contemplate from this to call vanity in his thoughts all matters of this world. Also, when one sees books, he should contemplate: "All these people speak in their books like me now, and they teach the people of their generation, that everything is vanity. And many people who lived until now, were not able to understand that the truth is with them!? I will now see who is correct. And where are all of them? Lazy people, arrogant people, desirers of pleasures and honor, who did not listen to the words of the Sages, and thought this world to be important. I will see now what is their end. Where is their desires and their hopes? Behold, it is as if they never existed! But fortunate are those wise men. And all those who placed themselves like animals (to be exceedingly humble) who did not consider themselves wise before their colleagues and did not become arrogant before their friends, and distanced themselves from jealousy, honor, and desire. And all their desire was only to do the will of the Creator. They have already come to the place which is very important, and all wealth and success, they reached. And I too - it is certainly clear, that just like all those who died, I will die. And under time, behold the future is like the past, therefore it is as if I am already dead. And all that happens now, is as if it already happened, and other people took my place. Therefore, what is for me here? What should I worry, what should I be happy, what should I want from all this past? Rather, I will want and chase to know G-d and to do His will, which for this everything was created,etc.."

And likewise at all times, one is not engaged in the study of torah or service, he should be used to think in this. That all men, including him, are already like dead. And especially when someone is insulting him he should think that he and the one insulting him are already dead, rotted and full of worms. And he should think at the importance of their body and form. Therefore he will not care at all in his insulting him. Just the opposite, he will keep quiet and be of the category of those that are insulted but don't insult back, which the Sages have greatly praised the reward for these people.

Behold, one could also easily think in this matter for savlanus, that even in this world, one does not care much usually about what happened to him yesterday, and all the more so for what happened 3 months ago. He does not have pleasure from something in the past nor feel pain from a pain in the past. And even if it was very painful, he no longer feels it, even in the same day, and the same hour. Just the opposite, if he is intelligent, and has knowledge from the holy books of the benefits of suffering in this world, he even is happy from the suffering which occured to him in the past. And especially in this matter of anger, behold it is clear, that even one hour later, until forever, he will greatly regret on that anger. And the opposite, he will be very joyous in what he restrained himself, and did not answer the one who insulted him. And likewise for other pain that he beared and did not get angry, as it is written in the Reishis Chachma (Anava Ch.3): "There's a story of a pious man who was asked:'Which day was the happiest day of your life?' He answered that it was the day in which he was humiliated with the greatest humiliation and he bore it contently and did not care at all. He then had tremendous joy, which he did not have such joy all his days."

Behold it is very easy to picture in one's mind and to think on this matter that he cares about that it is vanity and past. Because certainly after 15 minutes it will be nothing. And even after one day, or one week, or one month, every man understands that it is nothing as if it has passed, according to how everyone sees how quickly days and months go by and the time after this is forever and ever (in the afterlife) without any interruption. Therefore who is the fool who for 15 minutes that for even eyes of flesh and blood is considered nothing, and even in this world it is as if passed, he will embitter his life forever. Whoever puts to heart to contemplate these things, certainly he will not care for all the insults that they will insult nor the pain that they will cause him, and he will merit the level of those who are insulted and don't insult back, etc. of whom the verse says: "Those that love him will be as the sun when it goes forth in its might"

I will add to this matter on the third advice, to clarify the greatness of its benefit, which my eyes witnessed. Namely, that it's been many years which I toiled and searched advice for myself on savlanus and humility, and from all of them, I did not merit to see such a benefit to guard oneself from irritability and caring in the heart and to be disgusted with honor like with this advice - to fix daily great times to contemplate on the futility of this world. And to tremor the body with many words in the way I wrote here. Therefore, one who comes to approach the holiness, to fix these middos should put all his strength in this, to toil in this contemplation. Note what we wrote in section 3 that this is primarily in the beginning while the power of the yetzer is strong in him. Afterwards, to shift to contemplating His unity and His greatness.

And one should not be concerned that through he will lose a lot of time from learning torah, because this is the primary work of savlanus and humility. And likewise this simple advice will greatly benefit, without weakening the body, to repair all the midos and the taavos (desires), and all the service of G-d, more than all the fasts and afflictions in the world.

And the Baal HaTanya wrote: "Through this contemplation, a man draws to himself a broken heart, that all matters of this world that fall under time will not affect him, and he will not desire them nor put them to heart. Because he will say in his heart: 'Already for many years, I never thought about this matter, and after many years, it will not happen at all. Therefore even now, it will be in my eyes as if it is before the time or afterwards". And it appears that what the Reishis Chachma wrote (Shaar Anava Ch.5) in the name of Rebbi Yitzchak of Ako what is was said to him in a dream: "He who wants to not be angry, should be intelligent" Which certainly means on this contemplation, that he should be intelligent to understand that all matters of this world are vanity and it is not worth to be concerned about them. And he should also be intelligent to understand that everything is from Him. Therefore there is not to care about this person (who insults you), only on oneself who causes it through one's sins, as mentioned before. And through this contemplation properly, certainly, he will be saved from anger and irritation. And likewise there is to explain the saying of King Shlomo: "the intelligent man, guards his anger", and in Koheles, "Anger rests on the chest of fools", which implies that anger and savlanus depends on understanding.

And likewise for the fourth advice we wrote, to be habitual in prayer before G-d that He should draw one close to His service. Behold, the Sages have taught us to do to guard from anger, as the Reishis Chachma wrote in the name of his teacher z'l:"It is fitting to pray to G-d in all his prayers, shacharis, mincha, and maariv, that G-d should help him to merit the trait of humility and to be happy with his sufferings, if others insult him or anger him. And through this it will be favorable before G-d to atone for what he sinned until now in anger and arrogance. And since this is your request, don't answer those who insult or provoke you. And in the book "Divrei David" from Rav David Lida z'l it is written: "I have found an elixir and healing potion for this sickness of anger - one should pray at each shemonei esrei in the Elokai Netzor Leshoni...'Ribono Shel Olam help me to merit the mida of humility and that I will be happy in sufferings and insults of those who anger me.'

Likewise, in the Sefer Charedim it is written one should pray every day "May it be Your will H-shem my G-d and the G-d of my fathers, that I will not get angry nor will I anger You." And the books have fixed to say this after one says the "Mode Ani" prayer in the morning...
And in the name of the book Yesod Yosef I saw written that a special time to pray for being saved from jealousy, baseless hatred, and anger is at the time one dons the tzitzis...And one who comes to use this advice, one should not be content to do this during the tefilas only rather one needs to be habitual in doing this always to say many prayers and supplications before H-shem in crying and tears. And it is better if it's in one's native tongue, because then it arouses the heart most. And one should fix times for this every day to pour his words before G-d. And he should arrange reasons for this that He will help him to fix this mida and all the midas and that He will bring him close to His service, truthfully. And then after time, certainly it will be very beneficial. And even if one sees many days and years that it did not benefit at all, one should not despair, because in the end if one strengthens himself in this, certainly it will very much benefit. And like it is written in the book "Sichos HaRan" in many places on the holy Rebbi Nachman of Breslov, who told over that the primary service through which he merited to repair all his midos and all the high levels in the service of G-d and to reach greatness in torah, whether revealed or secret, was only through much prayers and supplications which he was used very much before H-shem yisbarach that He would help him to merit this.

And all the types of bakashos (supplications) in the world, that are found in the books, he did not leave any that he did not say many times, for example tehilim, or shaarei tzion, and the supplications at the end of the big sidurim, or the like. And even the supplications in foreign language, whatever was a supplication, he made sure to say it. And he was used to saying all the supplications after the Maamados, which are printed after each day. And he would say from all the days in one time. He would also be used sometimes to read tehilim only on the verses of supplications. And the main thing that benefited him was the prayers that he made himself, in his own tongue. He would be very used to set aside a place in solitude and he would pour his words before G-d in his own tongue. And he would plea and seek before him with many different types of arguments and supplications for G-d to draw him close to His service. And he would do this very, very habitually and spent many days and years on this. And even though he saw many days and years go by without meriting to see any drawing close, and it appeared in his eyes as if none of his words are being listened to at all, rather, just the opposite, it appeared that he was being pushed away with all kinds of barriers to His service, yisborach. Even so, he would strengthen himself very much, and did not abandon his place, and he would persist and persist until he merited everything. And he spoke greatly to his students on this (saying:)

that he who habituates himself to do this every day, at least an hour, to pray before Him yisbarach, in one's own language, with pleas and supplications, certainly he will merit to come close to Him in truth. And even if it will appear to him many years that this doesn't help at all, even so, he should greatly strengthen himself, and the end of the matter it will greatly benefit. And King David established through this the book of Tehilim, and he said that the primary solitude of King David was at the time he lied down in his bed and covered himself with his blanket, then he would speak all his heart before G-d as it is written, "I will speak every night, my bed with my tears, I will drench my bed." And this is above all.

And all the great tzadikim, did not reach their level except through this . He also writes that:

one should try to constantly renew his davening (that it should not be repetitive, and to seek every time with new and different supplications. And it is very good, to explain one's speech and pains before Him, yisborach, like a son who complains before his father with movements of favor and mercy. And even if it appears to a person that according to his actions, he is not like a son before Him. Nevertheless, H-shem, yisborach calls us sons. And it is good that a man should say at the time of solitude, "Today, I am starting to cling to You!" And one should make each time like a beginning, because the beginning is like half of the thing itself, etc. Nevertheless, one should fix for this only some fixed times, and the rest of the day to be b'simcha (joyful). And the main solitude time should be at night, at the time when everyone is sleeping, and also outside of the city, in a place where people do not go, etc.

More on this, that prayer is a good advice to save oneself from anger, namely that one should pray always for embarassments, as I have seen in books on the Baal Shem Tov, and other great tzadikim, who did this. Therefore, since he himself, will seek and hope for this, it will be easy afterwards to stand up to the test and to guard from all anger and irritation when others will mock and embarass him. Just the opposite, he will be happy in this, because he has attained his wish. And thus he should say in his prayer:"Ribono shel Olam (Master of the world)!, all that You have done is only to do chesed (kindness) for us. And what kindness is there for me to hear praises? Just the opposite, this damages me. But if others will mock me, I will have a double benefit, that I will accustom my soul in the trait of savlanus, and also through this I will achieve a very easy atonement on all my many great sins. Therefore, I seek from you that you will prepare for me that I could hear insults and embarassments on myself, but on condition that it will be in such a way that the person doing it will not be punished for it, (by error for example), and also that you will strengthen me to receive them with joy, amen, ken yehi ratzon." And if G-d did your will and prepared you, that your wife, or some other person were insulting or embarassing you, give immediately thanks and praise very much on this, and this will also be tremendously beneficial for standing up to the test for not getting angry or caring - only to receive the embarassments with joy as we explained above (section 3)

SECTION 8
Here will be explained other techniques for removing anger
A great advice for guarding from anger - behold it is as we wrote above (section 5) that one should take on himself to guard very much that when someone makes him upset, he should not be hasty to speak immediately. Rather, he should wait some time, and also do something in between. See there for greater details.

And in the book "Shevet Mussar" (chapter 21) it is written an advice for anger: Immediately, when one feels the beginnings of anger, he should picture to himself that his children have died and visualize their faces having changed due to their illness. Or, he should picture in his mind's eye an animal that has just been slaughtered, and is still shaking around while blood is flowing from the place of slaughtering (the throat). And through this, immediately, the anger will rest.

Another advice to guard from anger, to fulfill the words of the "Chovos Halevavos" (Shaar Hakenia 5), which is: That one should think about what he is obligated to G-d due to the great kindness G-d has bestowed on him and His great goodness, and on one's avoiding and lacking of fulfilling G-d's mitzvos, and the lack of words and regret one will have on the great day of judgment - then his spirit will be broken and submissive, as it is written "Behold, a day is coming, it burns like an oven..." (Malachi 3) And who will withstand the day He comes.

And in Reishis Chachma (Shaar Anava Ch.5), it is written an advice, that one should put to heart that his Creator is angry with him on his sinning against Him with his anger. And how much he will be embarrassed and humiliated in the future when seeing his actions chiseled before Him. And how he will be embarrassed when they announce above that you have served idols (since getting angry is considered like idol worship), and the other damages that you cause your soul, and that there is nothing that nullifies clinging to G-d more than anger, and that through anger, the neshama (higher soul) leaves you, and that which you were above all, are now left below everything in the klipa (impurities).

And in the book, "Devash Lefi" (section 40), it is written: "I heard from the great Rav, our teacher, Chayim ben Atar z'l that there was a story of a rich, powerful man who was disrespectful with a torah scholar. And the Rav asked the torah scholar to forgive the rich man and make peace. The torah scholar answered him, 'I immediately forgave him. Since in the Zohar it is written that if I had not forgiven him, it would have been considered a sin for him, and there would have been, so to speak, pain for the Shechina (divine presence). Therefore I forgave him immediately, so that there would not be any pain to the Shechina due to that sin.'
And perhaps this is the reason why "he who forgives others for their wrongdoings, G-d will forgive him for all his sins" (talmud). Since his behavior caused Nachas Ruach (pleasure) to the Shechina, so too measure for measure he is forgiven for all his sins, to not cause pain to the Shechina.

And in the book, "Midrash Pinchas" it is written an advice for anger: "The talmud says (Nedarim 22) 'whoever gets angry, it is known that his sins are greater than his merits'. Therefore immediately when a person sees that he is starting to get angry, he should think in his heart, 'since I am getting angry, then certainly it means my sins are greater. Therefore how could I have time to get angry? I must repent for my sins! Then contemplate to repent, and immediately, he should be free from anger, since if he had (truly) repented, then his merits are greater, and necessarily he cannot be angry. (since he who is angry, his sins are greater than his merits)

In the Sefer Charedim it is written that one should think, "Is it conceivable that he who lost one flower, in his sadness and anger, should break something worth a thousand flowers?!" Which means he should think about the damage of his anger which is thousands of times greater than what he is bearing from the person (insulting him).

It is also written in the books, that a great advice to guard oneself from anger is to recognize very much one's lowliness. And this works through 3 ways.

1. Through this he will not care about other's insulting him. As it is written in the Reishis Chachma (Anava Ch.2,3): "Anger comes through haughtiness of the heart. Because if his heart were broken and lowly, as King David said 'he is disgusting in his eyes', that one should be disgusting in his eyes, and that he should think that he is disgusting either due to the lowliness of his soul due to his sins and bad deeds, and also due to his body, with the bad smell in his innards and all the more so after his death - certainly he will not get angry and answer those who mock him.
2. Through this one will consider others more important than him, and he will be submissive before every person, and indirectly he will not come to become angry and upset at another. This is similar to a servant, who does not speak haughtily before his master, rather he will speak kindly and nicely.
   This is also written in the Hanhagos of the Rebbi of Lublin in the book "Zos Zikaron": "To guard from anger, for this one must consider that he is lower than all men, and he should not get angry, even on his servant, because he (the servant) is better than you, and to remember that everyone is better than you, even the maidservant - to remember and think on this always, and indirectly he will not come to becoming irritated at all." (note that in the world of truth, it could well be true. Even if someone appears less smart or less worthy than you in this world, it could be upstairs he will be greater than you because relative to his capacities he fulfilled his obligations more than you - heard from Rabbi Nissan Kaplan)
3. Through this, he will remember always on the lowliness of his actions and his many sins, and he will worry on them. He will be joyful if insulted, because through this it will be an easy atonement (of his sins).

It is also written in books an advice to guard from anger - to not look at the face of the person you are angry with. Then the anger will fly away from your heart.

And in Reishis Chachma (Shaar Anava ch.1) it is written another advice to guard from anger, that if someone did to you something bad, you should remember something good he did to you, in order that your anger should heal. And one should use this especially with his wife. Even when she pains him, he should heal his anger to her and benefit her through remembering the good he has from her, as the holy Tana, Rebbi Chiya said (Yevamos 63) "It's enough that they raise our sons and save us from sin". And it is among the 13 midos of G-d, which He conducts with us, and we are commanded to emulate them."

Another advice from the Reishis Chachma (Anava ch.5) is that one should judge his fellow to the side of merit, and fulfill the Sages' saying "Don't judge your fellow until you reach his place". For example, if someone is offending you on something you did to him, don't answer him unless you judge yourself in his place. If it were the opposite, would you have offended him more than he offended you? Likewise if you were upset with someone, think first, "If the situation were reversed, how would I like that he conducts himself with me".

The Reishis Chachma also advised (ibid ch.4) to fulfill "love your fellow as yourself", because through this, one will not bother his fellow nor answer him on his insults, just like if the situation were reversed, he would like that his fellow not answer him if he would insult him.

It was said of the Rebbi Y. ben Shushan z'l that he never got angry in his life, because he did not at all have time to get angry since he was always busy in the service of H-shem yisborach (Reishis Chachma Anava ch.3).

And in the book, "Eser Oros" he quoted the book "Orach leChayim" in the name of the holy Rebbi Ber z'l on the matter of the humility of spirit of Moshe Rabeinu, that even though she (Miriam) spoke on him he did not become angry nor feel anything. This was due to that he was always clinging with H-shem yisborach. And through the Yira (fear and awe) of G-d and clinging he felt like nothing and did not feel anything when others were speaking (badly) on him. Because he was almost nullified through seeing always the greatness of the Creator, blessed be He. And he said an example, "He who is next to a king, due to his awareness of the greatness of the king and the awe that falls on him, he would not feel anything at all if others speak to him disrespectfully, because he (i.e. his ego) is then nullified.

SECTION 9
Here will be explained other techniques on specific situations for guarding from anger
It is written in the Reishis Chachma more things to be saved from anger. Rav Yitzchak from Ako wrote in his book: "One friday night, I was contemplating, 'what should a person do to not get angry?' And I started to fall asleep. As I was falling asleep, I felt as if someone was saying to me: 'He who wants to not be an angry person should be a maskil (intelligent)'".

The explanation of "intelligent" is that one should go after the primary matter and the primary words and he should not put his heart and mind after what appears to his eyes or what he hears in his ears among the things happening to him or being said to him to make him angry. He should not pay attention to them at all. Rather he should go after the primary - after the level of the person saying or doing. If he sees that the person is a fool, he should think and say to himself, "he is a fool, speaking without intelligence, and his words are just like chirping of birds or the bark of a dog". And if the person insulting him is a wise man, he should think and recognize that it is for his good and his benefit that he is speaking. And he should accept his words with joy, and he should not look at the words or actions which are being done to get him angry, only at the level of the person saying them.

And if he is being insulted because he did or said something wrong, and it is true, he should not look at the people rather at the actions (i.e.his own actions) since he recognizes that it is true. And he will have a great benefit from this, because he will repair his midos. And he should think that the person is not mentioning one thousandth of my sins...Therefore he should admit the truth, and not try to rationalize excuses for justifying himself. And all the more so, to not try to embarrass the person. And don't be upset with him for revealing (your lacking).

Rather say, "My brother, what is the measure of the bad things you have seen compared with what you don't know about me, which the Creator has tolerated my hiding them. If it were revealed to you all my bad actions and deeds, you would run away from me." And you should humble yourself before the Creator, yisborach, and thank Him on that he revealed only a little bit of your sins to chastise you in order that you repent. And even if one's wife rebukes him with something true - he is obligated to accept it from her and thank her for it. And he should thank G-d for this.

He also wrote another advice on this: that one should contemplate that the suffering which comes to atone for sins is of two types. Either through receiving suffering through fasts, or through death of children, or death of himself, G-d forbid. Behold all these are very hard and bitter. And even through self afflictions (fasts) there is often bitul torah or tefila (lost of time for torah study or tefila). And how good for him to receive easy sufferings which do not have bitul torah or tefila, and through them atonement for all sins.(through bearing insults)

Therefore he should accept them with love, and he should be joyful when others are disrespectful or are insulting him, that he should recognize that G-d loves him in sending him easy suffering like these to purify him from his sins. And especially if someone mocks you for nothing, behold our Sages have said, that through this the fellow gives you his merits and receives from you your sins - certainly he should not be upset on him. Just the opposite, he should thank him for this, as it is said of a pious man who was spoken ill of. When he heard of this, he sent to he who spoke badly on him a basket full of good things, and wrote on it, "I have heard that you have sent me an offering of your merits, and I've come to thank you for this!"

And in the book, "Likutei Ramal", of the holy Rebbi Moshe Leib of Sasiv it is written: "A holy man said to a man who mocked and insulted him: 'H-shem should pay you reward on that you have nullified a (heavenly) decree of death on me!'

It is also written in the book Reishis Chachma an advice to guard from anger in monetary matters:

That one should accustom himself in the trait of vatranus (to overlook and forgive) and chasidus (over and above the requirement), as our Sages have said (Midrash Raba Bamidbar 9):"The torah teaches you to be a vatran in your house - if your wine was spilled, be a vatran. Likewise for your oil, 'I will fill your storehouses' (mishlei 8). Or if your clothing was ripped, 'G-d will fill all requests' (Tehilim 20). And one who is a vatran with his money increases his days (is granted longer life). It also atones him for his sins, as our Sages have said about Achav, who received atonement for half of his sins because he was a vatran.

And if it occured that someone caused you an accidental loss, if it is a small thing - forgive and don't take him to court for a small thing, and think (the saying) that "one does not knock his finger below unless it was decreed before hand above" (talmud, i.e. all suffering is decreed from above). And this is in the category of suffering. And it is fitting to receive them with a happy face.

And for a great loss, and the matter comes to court, do not soil your mouth with complaints, curses, and the like on your fellow. And one should try to be "lifmin mishuras hadin" (not request full justice) from every person, such as the story of Raba bar Chana (Talmud Bava Metzia 83) of the workers who broke a barrel of wine, and were obligated to pay him. Nevertheless, Rav commanded him to forgive them and even pay them their wages. One who sees this story, will remove from himself much anger and aggravation. And even if they steal from him, it is fitting to forgive them if he cannot take it back through court, in order that they should not be punished, and G-d will be burdened to megalgel (reincarnate them),etc.

The Reishis Chachma wrote an advice for he who has business dealings with a difficult person, how he should guard from anger - that he should agree in his heart to bear from him all types of insults of actions or words. Because when a person is waiting for his fellow to mock him with words or acts, and it doesn't come suddenly (by surprise), he will not get angry. He should keep doing this until he is saved from him. Afterwards he should get away from him 'like from a black ox in nissan' (which is considered kabalistically very dangerous).

Another advice the Reishis Chachma wrote to nullify anger and hatred - to rebuke your fellow on what he did against your will, and to say to him: "Why did you do such and such to me?" Because when he rebukes him, the hatred and anger will leave his heart, as it says in the Midrash (Bereishis Raba 54): "Rebuke brings to love and peace". And this is the meaning of the verse: "Do not hate your brother in your heart. You will surely rebuke him..." according to the commentary of the Ramban. However, don't rebuke him immediately, while you are receiving the bad from him, and while the heat is still in your heart. Because then the words will increase the heat and flame your soul to great anger, as we explained above (section 5). Therefore don't say to him anything, and afterwards, when the heat has left your heart, rebuke him gently to remove the hatred and irritation from your heart.

Likewise, if he hates his fellow in that the rebuke did not help, he should strengthen himself to speak to him in a loving way, even if your heart is not there. Because this way of talking will bring you to come close to him and love him truthfully in your heart. There are some who would not do this, even among G-d fearing, thinking that this is a form of lying - to speak without the heart and mouth being equal, as Rashi commented on the verse "they could not speak to him peacefully" (Parsha Vayeshev). But I heard from an Admor who disagreed with this logic, and he said that it is good to speak a lie like this, because this lie will bring to truth - that he will love him truthfully. And it is in the category of what they said (Talmud Yevamos 65): "It is permitted to change (lie) for peace". And we see by the argument of Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel in "Keitzad Merakdim" which they permitted to lie for Ahava habrios (love between people). And that which the Sages forbid this, is only with someone who has intent to deceive his fellow in putting an ambush in his mouth to harm him, and that the fellow will not guard from this.

SECTION 10
(various advice for removing anger - simcha) (a brief excerpt)
In the book of middos by Moharan it is written: "Through tzedaka, anger is nullified. Also one who is hot tempered should neder tzedaka and pay immediately. Through this, the anger will disappear."
He also writes: "Through lies or through looking at a liar, one comes to anger.
He also writes: "Whoever guards himself from 'Do not covet', through this he will be saved from anger, arrogance, and lack of emuna which comes through anger and arrogance".
He also writes: "Through eating, anger disappears, especially bread in the morning, which is a segula to nullify anger.

In the practices, in the book Noam Elimelech, Rebbi Moshe wrote "tikun l'hakpada - simcha" (the cure for irritation is joy). Likewise is written in the practices of the holy Rav Yaakov Yosef, author of "Rav Yeiva": "be careful of anger, to be soft as butter and sweet as honey. And this comes through simcha." Therefore one should conduct himself in the way of simcha and not in the way of yira (fear), which is called (too) "frum". And in the book "Keneses Yisrael", it is written in the name of Rebbi Nachum of Shtufenesht:"What is a frumer? It is a kind of garment. The oybershlag (outer part) is from arrogance, and the pachivekeh (middle) is from anger, and it is sewn with threads of mara shechorah (sadness)." (i.e. one should develop a bubbly, upbeat, happy personality. One of my classmates in yeshiva excelled primarily in one trait - he was the type that always tried to be happy and cheerful. The spiritual leader, Rabbi Nachman Bulman, zt'l once pulled him in his office and told him privately "you're doing very, very well", which he told me afterwards. I never heard of anyone else ever getting such a praise from him.)

ADDITION
• Severity of Anger
• First Aid for One Who is Already Angry
Some quotes on Anger.
It is well known that anger destroys a person physically, emotionally and spiritually. To what extent though, few people realize. The great kabalists who had a clear picture of the spiritual effects of man's actions gave us some scary description.
Here are some quotes. (from the translator)
• "One should be careful of anger, whether small or big, which causes one to exchange his holy soul with one from the s''a (forces of evil), and he himself becomes an avodah zara (idol), he destroys his soul, and all that he toiled all of his days is gone. The holy Arizal said 'an angry person has no tikun (no hope for rectification) until he tries very much to never get angry. After that he can start letaken (rectify himself)." (Chida - Avodat HaKodesh beginning of Vol.1)
• "Know that in a place where there is machlokes (disputes) the Shechina (Divine presence) leaves, and a house which has machlokes is a mishkan (sanctuary) for the s''a (forces of evil). And especially there should be shalom (peace) with one's wife, and he should be careful to honor her...(Chida ibid)
• (Yearos Devash 1:1) "And he should pray (in the final blessing of the Amida) that there should not be in him the trait of anger at all, rather to be humble to everyone and this is the level of shal-om (peace) because wherever there is anger, there is no peace...and where there is kedusha (holiness) there is no anger like on high in the holy camps as it says "kulom ahuvim, kulom berurim, ein beinehem sina vetachrus" (they all love each other, there is no hatred or rivalry between them) and likewise below in a holy place, there is no anger...and in places where there is little kedusha, the anger, which is the "merkava of sitra achra" (the chariot of evil) increased... and according to the holiness of the place will be the diminishment of anger and the increase of love...and therefore it says "ulemekalelay nafshi sidom" ("and to those who insult me, let my soul be quiet") which is a prayer to minimize anger and to have in its place love...."(Yearos Devash 1:1)
• Rambam (Laws of Temperaments 2:3)
  There are some intermediate temperaments which one is forbidden to have, but one should adopt one of the extremities of such temperaments. One of these is the temperament of haughtiness...And likewise for anger, which is an extremely bad temperament and from which it is fitting for one to distance oneself as far as its opposite extreme. One should teach oneself not to get angry, even over something about which it would be normal to get angry...
• "The fire of Gehinom has no power over those who are free from anger" - Sefer Maalos HaMidos beginning of Maalas HaRatzon
• "Silence brings a person to humility (Anava)" - Shaarei Kedusha chelek 2 shaar 5
• The Talmud (Yoma 23b) states that when one overcomes his feelings of anger and acts magnanimously, he is forgiven for his transgressions.

A brief excerpt from Section 1 of Orech Apayim:
ON THE SEVERITY OF ANGER
Anger is a very, very severe torah prohibition more than other prohibitions, as our holy teacher, Rabbi Chaim Vital (the primary disciple of the Arizal) wrote in the book "the Gate of Unifications", and in the book "Nagid U'Metzave" (keep in mind that these people had supernatural powers and are talking on the spiritual damage at their level):

"Regarding anger, my teacher (the Arizal) would be extremely careful, more than other sins. He would say 'because other sins do not exchange the soul like anger. And the explanation is that when a man gets angry the soul inside him leaves him and is replaced by a soul from the chitzonim (impurities). It is for this reason that (our Sages have said) "whoever gets angry, loses his wisdom." Even if he is a great wise man or a great Chasid (pious man). And who amongst us is greater than Moshe, and even though he became angry for a mitzva (his wisdom left him and he erred. Talmud - Pesachim 66). And this is what is written "he rips apart his soul (toref nafsho) in his anger" (Iyov/Job 18). A man rips apart his soul and makes it a trefa, and kills it at the time he gets angry. And even though a person makes tikunim (reparations) and many mitzvos, everything is lost from him completely. Because his soul is lost and another one takes its place. And one must go back and repair from the beginning. And likewise for each and every time he gets angry. Therefore we find that an angry person has no takana (solution)...And he cannot attain any hasaga (attainment). But other sins do not rip up and uproot the soul, they only damage it. And through some tikun yichud (reparation) for that sin, he can remove the damage. But an angry person needs many tikunin and kavanos to return and bring it back after it was ripped up.. Therefore one must be very careful to not get angry even for a mitzva."

(see the book for more on section 1, which speaks on the lowliness of anger and the greatness of equanimity. The rest of the translation starts from section 3 on, which is the practical part of the book for changing character traits.)

First Aid if one is Already Angry
Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Sheinberg recommended:

"If you sense anger has gained control of the situation and you can't control yourself, the best response is to remain silent." (from http://chareidi.shemayisrael.com/archives5766/kisovo/KSV66orschnbrghome2.htm)

Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafer (theshmuz.com)
Rabbi Shafer advises one to keep an index card in his pocket. And whenever he feels anger coming on, to make a tick on the card. This way a person will develop a sense when anger starts and it will be much easier to stop it from the beginning rather than when it has grown and exploded. (excellent advice!)

Another interesting technique I discovered (lehavdil, by an anonymous, "Peace Pilgrim" - Peace Advocate")

THE ANGER ENERGY
I'll mention here a couple of other habits. One of them is the anger habit. Tremendous energy comes with anger. It's sometimes called the anger energy. Do not suppress it: that would hurt you inside. Do not express it: this would not only hurt you inside, it would cause ripples in your surroundings. What you do is transform it. You somehow use that tremendous energy constructively on a task that needs to be done, or in a beneficial form of exercise.

If you are motivated to do or say a mean thing, you can always think of a good thing. You deliberately turn around and use that same energy to do or say a good thing instead. It works!

The best way to talk to you about this is to tell you what some people actually did. For instance, one woman washed all the windows in the house, another woman vacuumed the house whether it needed it or not, and another baked bread--nice, whole grain bread. And another one sat down and played the piano: wild marches at first, then she'd cool down and play gentle things like hymns and lullabies, and then I knew she was all right.

There was a man who got out his manual lawnmower. Remember, the manual lawnmower has no motor. You may never have seen one! And he mowed his big lawn. I was staying next door to him. Then one day he came over and borrowed his neighbor's power lawnmower. I spoke to him about it and he said, "Oh, without the anger energy I could never mow that big lawn with a manual lawnmower." You see, it's really tremendous energy.

Then there was this man who saved his marriage. He had such a bad temper that his young wife was about to leave him and take their two small children along. And he said, "I'm going to do something about this!" And he did. Whenever he felt a temper tantrum coming on, instead of throwing things all over the house which had been his previous custom, he got out there and jogged. Round and round the block, until he was all out of breath and the energy was all gone--and he saved his marriage. It worked. I saw him again years later, and I asked him, "Well, are you still jogging?" "Oh, a little bit for exercise," he said, "but I haven't had a temper tantrum for years." As you use the energy constructively you lose the anger habit.

These techniques have also worked with children. I recall one ten year old boy. I was trying to help his mother because she was having an awful time with him. He got temper tantrums and one time, when he was not having a tantrum, I asked him, "Of all the things you do what takes the most energy?" And he said, "I guess running up the hill in the back of the house." And so we found a wonderful solution. Every time his mother saw the sign of a temper tantrum she would push him out the door and say, "Go run up the hill." It worked so well that when a teacher told me she was having a similar problem with a boy about the same age I suggested she tell him to run around the schoolhouse, and that worked too.

Now I'll tell you about another couple. They got mad at the same time, and they decided to walk around the block. One walked one way and one walked the other way, but they met at frequent intervals. And when they could meet amicably they walked home together and discussed what had caused their angers and what could be done to remedy it in the future. This was a very wise thing to do. You should never try to talk to someone who is angry, because that person is not rational at that time.

I'll tell one more story about a young mother. She has three children under school age and she said, "When I get mad I feel like running, but I can't. I can't leave my three small children. And I usually end up taking it out on them." I said to her, "Have you ever tried running in place?" And I could just see her running in place.

She wrote to me: "It works wonderfully well. It not only gets rid of the anger energy, but it amuses the children!"

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Interesting links:
35 Torah Solutions for Overcoming Anger (scanned sheet. for printing, use scale to fit option)
Raise Your Kids without Raising Your Voice by Sarah Radcliffe